In an Instant
by Meatball42
Summary: The universe likes to surprise him with new and interesting ways to fall in love with people who will later hurt him.


Everyone has their own ideas about love. Jack's been around quite a bit, and he's seen a lot, experienced a lot. He's lived long enough to know not to make grand, sweeping statements about love. He knows better than to pretend that love cannot surprise him, that he knows all the ways it can sneak up on a person. If love couldn't surprise him anymore, he wouldn't have frozen in front of a crowd of a hundred people in shock that it has happened again.

[*]

People fall in love every day, sometimes out of the blue. Jack's not special in that way. But there are reasons that this event leaves him speechless, despite being a former master con artist. It's the fact that he has never fallen in love quite like this before, and he's fallen in love- really fallen in love- more than most people.

The first time Jack fell in love he didn't have words for it. He loved Asile the same way he loved his mother, his father and his brother. They'd been friends since before they could talk and becoming lovers was so natural they didn't even discuss it. After the attack on their colony, Asile faded into a shadow that didn't even respond to Jack's goodbye.

The second time was with an older man who gave him a place to stay when he first moved to the home planet. Sasha was street-smart and gruff; he steered Jack well clear of the dangers of the big city that he had never encountered before and taught him about the dirty underbelly of life. Jack had seen how much destruction and evil could fit into a being, but that was only the extreme of behavior. Sasha taught him that there was a bit of a scoundrel in the hearts of even normal, everyday folk. It wasn't until years later that Jack realized he had loved Sasha, but even if he'd figured it out sooner, he wouldn't have acted on it, not just after leaving Boeshane.

His second partner in the Time Agency was the third person Jack loved. It was insane and violent and probably half-inspired by drugs anyway, but where Jack's head was during that time none of that mattered. They were partners, and they watched each others backs. Jack trusted him more than anyone in the 'verse, which only made it that much harder when he woke up with two years missing and his partner either couldn't or wouldn't tell him anything.

The Doctor and Rose snuck up on him. After a few months of travel Rose said, 'Love you Jack,' as she walked out of the console room, and he had already replied 'back atcha, sweetheart' before he could think. He realized then that he'd loved both of them nearly from the start. It was a week later that they abandoned him.

Angelo was a surprise in the way that he wasn't a surprise. Jack knew from the first time they slept together that he wasn't going to be just another shag. They didn't have long together, but Jack could actually feel himself falling for the Italian. It was completely new and it was so beautiful, which meant it only tore him up that much more when yet another lover betrayed him.

He spent the next decade and a half swearing that he would never fall in love again, but that vow fell apart the moment he saw Estelle Cole. He'd never believed in love at first sight, but the woman whose beauty outshone anyone in the ballroom that night proved him wrong. He'd been forced to leave her to go to war, and then to stay away from her due to Torchwood, but it wouldn't have been impossible to go back. He'd stayed away, in the end, and broken both of their hearts, because he was too afraid that she would reject him for what he was, just like Angelo had.

When Lucia became pregnant, Jack could have convinced himself that he loved her. He had tried that with the woman he'd married at the turn of the century, but that had been for Torchwood and they both knew it wasn't real, and no amount of trying allowed him to fool himself. With Lucia, he could have, but he was still sore from the drama that was Sage-Marie during the sixties and afraid to open himself up again. It was this, along with the knowledge of his immortality, that made Lucia leave.

Losing Lucia was painful, but not heartbreaking. Losing Melissa nearly destroyed him.

There have been others. Greg, who he never let himself really look at because he was afraid of what the other man made him feel. Michael, who was so brave and died far too soon. Eleanor, who was fun and passionate and made him feel almost like he was back in his home time again. But all he learned from them was that there was so much more to lose from relationships than there was to gain.

All of that brought him to who he is right now. For all that Jack only seems a few decades old on the outside, he has lived for over one hundred and sixty years, and the time has taken its toll on him. He's spent the last thirty years immersing himself in Torchwood and the explosion of culture that leads up to the 21st century's changes. Enjoying humanity's- or at least certain countries'- relaxing of the taboos on sex is a great way to avoid falling in love. This may or may not technically include shagging the emotionally distant members of his team, including his second-in-command when he gets one, but he's going to count it.

Now that second-in-command has died, killed herself, actually (maybe emotionally distant should have translated to 'talk to me' instead of 'shag me', but he knows better now) and he's got himself a new one. This one is gorgeous, not emotionally distant, willing to toss away the annoying boyfriend and love him with all the fiery passion he knows she could create, but he may have just fallen in love with his secretary instead.

[*]

The team is at a bar. Clearly, it was all Owen's idea, but the actual location was the choice of Toshiko, who unexpectedly turned into a sneaky minx for just this evening when she tricked them into showing up for karaoke night. Almost immediately Tosh, Owen, Gwen and Ianto begin to insult the singers, then bicker over which of them should sing first. With the odd sort of paternalism he feels toward his team even though he would shag any one of them if this century were just a bit more laid back, Jack thinks they're adorable.

Toshiko is voted up first, as punishment for landing them there in the first place. As expected, her singing voice is quiet but beautiful, and it seems like Owen's the only one who didn't see that coming, because he's almost choked up when she gets back to the table. Tosh isn't sure whether that's a good thing or not, and so she sits in an awkward silence, which means everyone else is sitting in an awkward silence, until Gwen declares that it's her turn and bravely takes the stage.

Gwen is not a signer. She's not horrible, and her enthusiasm makes up for it mostly, but she's blushing by the time she returns to their booth. Jack takes in her shining eyes and red cheeks and tells her honestly that he loved it, which makes her nervous smile much more secure.

Owen's not ready yet and Ianto is getting them all drinks at the bar, so Jack takes the next turn. He's had people tell him in the past that he has an amazing voice, but singing reminds him of his mother, and he has Torchwood anyway, so he rarely sings aside from a few harmonies with his old records. Nevertheless, he gives the DJ a song he hopes his team is old enough to remember and looks out over the crowd.

Never one to be afraid of audiences, he winks at a few and smiles at the rest, and genuinely enjoys himself as he sings. His team is giving him looks of wonder from the booth, which is flattering, and he expects there'll be a few thoroughly enjoyable minutes of shock once he's done. Ianto's not there, though, so he looks at the bar, where, sure enough, the young man is still waiting for the drinks.

He's lucky it's during the bridge when Ianto finishes ordering and turns around, because he would have forgotten to sing if it wasn't. Ianto has removed his suit jacket and unbuttoned his waistcoat, but the fact that he's still wearing it shows he hasn't completely relaxed yet. He's holding a bottle of beer and is leaning casually against a barstool. He doesn't look awed like the rest of the team, but his expression is relaxed and content. He's got a half smile on his face that Jack knows could easily become a grin or a smirk or an eye roll and he realizes just now that he wants to see that expression on Ianto's face for the rest of his life.

Jack has lived a long time, and he knows not to make sweeping statements about love, but five minutes ago he would have sworn on his very existence that it would be impossible to sleep with someone for a year and then fall in love with them in an instant. But he has figured out by now that the universe likes to surprise him with new and interesting ways to fall in love with people who will later hurt him.

Because Ianto will definitely hurt him. For one thing, 'the rest of his life' is a myth. Even if Jack does everything in his power to extend Ianto's lifetime he'll only live for sixty or seventy more years. Even if they stay together for that whole time- and Jack's track record says that that isn't likely- Jack will still have to live through his death, the same way he lived through Estelle's. Nearly every relationship Jack's ever had has ended in death or betrayal of some sort, and that's all that can ever be. Immortality means no happy endings.

He sings the last verse and the chorus again, his natural showmanship and con artist skills covering up for the way his heart isn't in the music anymore. When it's over he hands the mike off to the next singer, smiles at the cheering crowd, and walks toward the bar.

Ianto is waiting for him. The half smile decided to become a full blown grin, and the sight is rare enough to cheer up even Jack. He steps in just a little too close to the stool for the public venue and Ianto's eyes dart around for a moment before he looks back at Jack.

"So how was I?" Jack flashes him a grin.

"Amazing," replies Ianto, nodding casually.

Jack gives him a mock-searching look. "You don't sound surprised."

"I've heard you sing before. You know you have a wonderful voice, Jack, don't fish for compliments." His young lover stands, forcing Jack to step back. "You'll get more than enough of that from the others."

It's something in the way his face looks so much younger when he's smiling like this that makes Jack grab him and hold him still. His hands are grasping Ianto by the neck and the side of the face, gently cradling the way he does when he's holding someone precious. Ianto is clearly taken aback, but he knows Jack and lets him look his fill. The only sign of his confusion is the slight furrow between his eyebrows. His eyes dart once more around them out of habitual paranoia; besides that he doesn't look away from Jack's eyes.

This man will hurt him. This man already has hurt him. Ianto betrayed him twice, but he still forgave him, still considered Ianto a friend and a confidant, let him in so much that if he wanted to destroy Jack it would be far too easy. Ianto has proven how much power he has over Jack, and this will only give him more.

Should he trust what he learned from Angelo, or what he learned from Estelle?

"I love you," he says.

It's far too loud in the bar, there's no way Ianto could have actually heard him, but the message must have gotten across somehow, because his eyes widen and his mouth drops open. There's a long moment where it's clear that he's wondering whether he heard the right words, and he almost seems panicked. Jack is brushing a thumb soothingly over one of his sideburns when he drops his eyes and manages to choke out something that sounds like a similar response. It's pitched the same as Jack's words, presumably so he could deny it if questioned, but Jack hears it all the same. He kisses Ianto very gently, and when he lets go of Ianto's face the young man doesn't look around them again to make sure no one's watching; he doesn't look anywhere else but at Jack.

Then, cheeks burning bright red, Ianto coughs and shuffles his feet, as though he's realized he's been staring. He gestures behind him at the team's drinks, which have finally arrived. "Do you- uh, want to help me carry these back?"

Jack grins the same way he did when Ianto finally agreed to go out with him. Sometimes Ianto is just too cute.

They split the drinks between them and carry them back to the booth. Jack slides in first and tugs Ianto close to him, close enough that Tosh smirks at them a little and Ianto blushes again.

It could just be because he's high on the moment, but Jack remembers what he'd decided about grand statements on love. If there was a loophole in the one about falling in love with the person you'd been having semi-casual sex with for a year, then maybe the one about immortality meaning there's never a happy ending could have an exception as well.


End file.
